Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
