Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
