Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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