the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
