If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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