I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
and you said cock pushups were impossible
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
