I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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