A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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