yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
