What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
