Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
