Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
