Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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