your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
