I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
