I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I enjoy the company of your penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
