we'll go far in life on tits alone.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
