She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
