Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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