so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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