She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
