OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
