Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
