I skipped work to stalk him.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
