if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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