Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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