Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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