you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
