i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
