it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
