I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
