google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize