I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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