Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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