check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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