Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize