How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There r osticjed everywhere
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
