I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
