I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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