sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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