dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
