he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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