He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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