Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
oh god was she eating orange peels again
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
