those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
