Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
