Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
