I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm passing your future prison.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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