i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
did you just send me my own nude
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
