Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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