Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
