Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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