i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
