Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We have started to decorate penises.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize