I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
