Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
