Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
