Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
