you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
