Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
