he told me I talked like a deaf person
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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