she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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