I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
