This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
