It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize