i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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