So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
