Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize