Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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