i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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